Meg 8/13/23 Meg 8/13/23

A Robert Donat Monologue For Every Wistful Occasion

Robert Donat is the monologue god. No one can touch him when it comes to staring plaintively off into the middle distance–the weight of eternity on his shoulders. The understanding of the fragility of human life fueling his insistence to go on–to keep on living.

Here I have compiled a few helpful Donat monologues to help us understand our own feelings and ultimately our own humanity and the purpose of our existence (not all of them are actual monologues strictly speaking please do not @ me).

For when you’re burnt out at work, and really in that surviving not thriving mode, listen to Robert Donat in the clip in the header via Vacation from Marriage (1945) tell you about the groove being comfortable, but yikes so is the grave:

For those times when you’re isolating because of a COVID scare, or just trying to make it through the darkest days of winter, check out Robert Donat having a literal freakout in Knight Without Armour (1937):

When the call of the void is calling you, nothing for it but Donat in The Private Life of Henry VIII (1933):

When it is time to eat the idle rich, we channel Robert Donat’s impassioned impromptu campaign speech in The 39 Steps (1935). Richard Hannay is my first and truest love and inspiration:

For those times you must hold equal, yet seemingly opposing truths together in balanced tension, because life is not simple but it is always true that human beings do matter and war, violence, and empire is always senseless, Mr. Chips announcing the deaths of two people he held dear in Goodbye, Mr Chips (1939):

For when you watch a sublime film and are overcome by your sheer love for the very medium of cinema and all that it gives us each and every day, here comes Robert Donat in The Magic Box (1951) literally sobbing about it to an awestruck Laurence Olivier who will never understand like Donat does the power of film because Donat won the Best Actor Oscar in 1939 instead of Olivier and that’s because Donat feels and the world feels with him:

Robert Donat on film understood how to express loneliness and yearning in such formidable delicacy. Such a stunning presence, and such a beautiful voice to express the fears and hopes of humanity. I will never grow tire of his earnest efforts, and I will watch his films and cry thank you very much.

[Insert Donat Magic Box monologue but it is me weeping about Donat cinema monologues]

originally published on The Classic Film Collective on 03/02/2022.

-Meg

Meg 7/3/23 Meg 7/3/23

QUIZ: Who is Your Classic Film Character Summer Fling?

I love a personality quiz. When I was a kid, I lived for the quizzes in my American Girl magazines. Which kind of dog are you? What famous female athlete are you? What kind of cheese are you? It did not matter. I wanted to answer the questions, and then proudly know that I was unique. I was not like other girls. I was a border collie (as true now as it was then).

We’ve reached the highpoint of summer. Heat domes all over the place. Honestly, too much sun, if you ask me. (No thank you, sun. I’m good.) The time is right to kick back with a cold beverage and take my little quiz and learn who your perfect classic film summer fling is going to be (oooooooh)....from the 7 options I am giving you (to be frank, they were the ones top o’ my mind, and all delightful characters).

Here is how it’s going to work: as you go, write down the number of your answer to each question, and at the end, add up your answers to find your perfect partner for this season. Aka if you answer mostly 1s, then 1 is your summer fling or mostly 5s, etc. I have included an answer key at the bottom. If you’re more love ‘em and leave ‘em, then consider a ranked choice system to come up with your top three beaus!

QUESTION ONE: It’s summertime! It’s time to take a holiday. You’ve been working hard, and you deserve a break. Your ideal vacation is______.

1. Kicking it back in an Italian villa. You like to spend your time in luxury, and you are not looking to do much else but chill out. Maybe a vespa ride around the countryside or a dance here or there, but mostly you like lounging out in the sun.

2. Taking a trip on a sailboat. You don’t even mind working as crew–you just want to get out there on the waves and experience that freedom that only the open ocean can provide.

3. Staycation! You live in the big city, and you enjoy your life. There is always something new to do, or explore. You do not need to go anywhere to relax.

4. Nothing planned. You are all about spontaneity. You pick a new place to visit and just go exploring. You are sure you will find an adventure.

5. Not a family vacation! You are trying to get away from your family, not spend more time with them.

6. On a train. You love to travel by train and stop off along the way throughout the countryside and little towns. Hiking, running, scrambling over rocks–anything that gets you outside and active.

7. VACATION? Who has time for vacation? You do not. You have things to accomplish, and nothing else matters.

QUESTIONS TWO: Ahh food! There are few things better in the world than sitting down to eat your perfect meal. The food you crave most is____.

1. Italian food paired with a perfect wine.

2. Well, food does not really satisfy you in itself–but you love an experience. You have always wanted to have a real picnic!

3. This little Japanese restaurant down the street that has an incredible, authentic menu.

4. Whatever food is right in front of you! You love to feast and feast and feast. You keep snacks next to your bed–just in case–and a jar of pickles is never unwelcome.

5. A home-cooked meal from someone you love. It does not matter what it is, it is worth all your money.

6. Simple fare. Anything that is easy to find along the road. You love a sandwich.

7. FOOD? Who has time for food? You do not. You have things to accomplish, and nothing else matters.

QUESTION THREE: What is the most played song on your playlist?

1. "Mambo Italiano" by Rosemary Clooney

2. "bad guy" by Billie Eilish

3. Anything new and avant-garde.

4. "I Love It" by Icona Pop

5. "I’m On Fire" by Bruce Springsteen

6. "Run for Your Life" by The Beatles

7. You don’t listen to much music, but you love to sing. People always know you’re around when they can hear you singing.

QUESTION FOUR: What was your favorite game to play when you were a kid?

1. Musical Chairs. You love group games, dancing, and making sure everyone is having a good time.

2. Wink Murder. No one ever guessed it was you even though you drew the murderer card every time.

3. Anything you could make a bet on. You knew how to win and make money from a young age.

4. Games with rules are boring. And don’t even get you started on board games: you get tired of them easily and tend to flip the board!

5. Spin the Bottle. hehe.

6. Hide and Seek. You were always the best.

7. Clue. You are clever, patient, and determined. You always found the murderer.

QUESTION FIVE: What is your favorite animal?

1. Definitely not parakeets.

2. Sharks. You saw a group of sharks attack an injured shark once and have never forgotten the spectacular sight.

3. Anything wild and free. No domesticated cats.

4. Honey Bees. You're here for a good time, not a long time.

5. Geese. When you've found the right partner, you're in it for life.

6. Foxes. You love their cozy little hidden dens.

7. A lone wolf. You admire their ability to track and hunt.

QUESTION SIX: What is your greatest fear?

1. Not being taken seriously.

2. Not getting to see the sunrise one last time.

3. Getting trapped.

4. Being bored and/or running out of snacks.

5. Being disrespected.

6. Someone telling lies about you.

7. Not fulfilling your purpose in life.

QUESTION SEVEN: You’ve been shipwrecked and stranded on a desert island, but you managed to carry two items with you from the sinking boat that you knew you needed to survive. Those items are_____.

1. A portable two-way radio and signal flags.

2. A knife and a gun.

3. An inflatable lifeboat and a compass.

4. A pair of scissors and a large jar of pickles.

5. Flint and a first aid kit.

6. A tarp for shelter and a machete to cut open coconuts. I guess you live here now.

7. Does it matter? You’ll figure a way out.

QUESTION EIGHT: Your favorite way to interact with other people online is___.

1. You are on every app at all times and have literally thousands of devoted fans, errr, friends.

2. Twitter. It is both the source of your sickness and its only antidote.

3. LinkedIn. Professional use only. The real life is happening offline.

4. Tumblr, baby! You know how to curate!

5. Exchanging numbers with your Tinder matches and then texting for 12 hours straight.

6. Signal messaging via burner phones only please.

7. You do not really have time for this, but okay, you sometimes post cryptic yet wistful poetry on your old LiveJournal. It reminds you of a different time when you were younger and happier.

ANSWER KEY

IF YOU ANSWERED MOSTLY 1's....

Your summer fling is Lisa Fellini as played by Gina Lollobrigida in Come September (1961). You are fun and flirty and a great communicator. You love to socialize and everyone sees you as the life of the party. You know what you want and you have great boundaries. Enjoy riding that vespa around the Italian Coast with the most beautiful woman in Italy. She demands respect, honesty, and commitment–so do not mess this up!

IF YOU ANSWERED MOSTLY 2's....

Your summer fling is Elsa Bannister as played by Rita Hayworth in The Lady from Shanghai (1947). The people that know you would say that you are intense. But they also cannot look away from your allure. You are mesmerizing and totally misunderstood (but also a little evil, sorry!). Your cynicism is a good match for Elsa, and you both are not expecting more than you can offer. You and Elsa are either going to have a great summer or immediately break up. Hard to say, but it will be a wild ride while it lasts! Good luck!

IF YOU ANSWERED MOSTLY 3's....

Your summer fling is Jack Parks as played by Sidney Poitier in For Love of Ivy (1968). You are independent and reliable, and undeniably cool. You know all the best places to eat and hang out. You live in the city and you love it at every hour–day and night. Just like Jack, your community is important to you, and you work hard to make sure the people around you are taken care of each day. You and Jack are both not looking to settle down…or are you?

IF YOU ANSWERED MOSTLY 4's....

Your summer fling is Marie I and Marie II as played by Jitka Cerhová and Ivana Karbanová in Daisies (1966). You are chaotic, unpredictable, and totally vibrant! You are not big on plans and love to take each day as it comes. You deeply understand the futility of society and choose your own path of joyful nihilism. You absolutely do not like to be left alone for any amount of time, and neither do the Maries! Get ready for a summer of feasting, snacking, and decadent food fights. Grab a baguette and jump in–the milk bath temp is wonderful!

IF YOU ANSWERED MOSTLY 5's....

Your summer fling is Clara Varner and Ben Quick as played by Joanne Woodward and Paul Newman in The Long, Hot Summer (1958). You’re intense and focused, but also a hopeless romantic. You have high standards and a great deal of self respect. You are not going to settle for anything less than the best, but once you have your sights on the best–watch out! Clara and Ben saw you from across the bar and liked your vibe…

IF YOU ANSWERED MOSTLY 6's....

Your summer fling is Richard Hannay as played by Robert Donat in The 39 Steps (1934). Frankly, you have a lot going on. You are a busy person always on the go, go, go. A natural traveler, you feel comfortable in every situation and circumstance and you make friends easily. There is nothing quite like a scramble over the rocks or a walk through the moors, and you do well outdoors. Although incredibly likable and adaptable, you and Richard both tend to hide your true selves and have trouble trusting other people. This may make your relationship a short-lived one, but if you can find a way to let each other in–maybe you go the distance together!

IF YOU ANSWERED MOSTLY 7's....

Your summer fling is Tetsuya "Phoenix Tetsu" Hondo as played by Tetsuya Watari in Tokyo Drifter (1966). You do not have time for a relationship, as you are all-consumingly focused on your life’s mission. Everything else fades in the background. You must complete your task; you must fulfill your purpose. You are lonely, and although you might sometimes seem like a hard-hearted island of a person, you are actually very tender and gentle in your soul. There is a real softness about you, and if you could just be free of your work–free of your drive–you know that you would choose a very different life. Tetsu is on a parallel path as you, and together maybe you finally accomplish that

originally published on The Classic Film Collective on 08/11/2022.